.Wednesday, July 20, 2005 ' 12:01 PM Y
=x
I sighed. If you could see what I see, I thought silently.This is just perfect. I'm not quite aware of how long it will take...soz..
Anyway, I met Palmer yesterday. He goes to ACSI. I can't believe he made it as far as I thought he would. Oh well. I guess he's happier now. He lives nearby New Town, and i got his hp. :) Convienient.
Wonder if hern knows who Palmer is in the first place. Probably, but ..well....somethings you just don wanna know about him.
We had a mild conversation. But something he said surprised me. I asked him about the barbecue which was supposed to be all-day-round, that waikeat told me it got cancelled and reduced to a mere lunch at McDonald's, he told me quite "sadly" that Pamela wasn't there. I got some flashbacks of HPPS immediately of course, but the thing that really struck me as weird was that he hadn't gave up on her, even though they were in different schools and all....
I remember the sarawak tip quite clearly, when he made a bold declaration of how much he loved her. Until this day I'm not quite aware whether i'd ever have done that for Junice, because there's a line between the girl being touched by that kind of "public declaration" and just inches away of getting the girl to be freaked out......so....eh heh heh.
Pam was pretty much freaked out though, but they're all still friends right? I remember how I used to envy how 6A was so positively united through thick and thin. 6C was pretty much united through all the thick, i suppose. Yet I don't envy them anymore, because now the bond between us all can exceed to greater heights then they ever dreamed of....
Palmer not having given up on Pam after so long. Maybe he was a bit of a flirt in the past, but I'm proud of him for not giving up. I guess I never really gave up on Junice...until now. Actually I might turn back to her if I become desperate. Which might never happen, unless a really powerful psychological effect that was as bad as previously would hit me.
Love is silent but should never be kept a secret. Love can't always be seen but can always be felt. It's the kind of thing that makes love special. I kept this in my mind even b4 the SpiderMan movie came out. And for all Palmer's faults, he hadn't given up.
I didn't give up for 7 years. Yan lin gave me up in less then 3 months. Amanda...well, i wasn't even attached to her, but it left a pretty bad psychological effect anyway.
Sometimes I wish I hadn't given up on Junice. I still love her, but maybe no as much as used to, not because i was crestfallen at all the events that happened, but maybe because it finally got to both Alter and I that I'd never be up to her standard anyway. I guess it applies for a lot of girls.
You might tell me that intelligence or socialability ( bad english! ) or all that standard thing is pretty much bullshit and I like to think so too, but why does Mum object to the dates that Anna gets? Frankly most of them are seemingly nice guys. And I trust nan anyway. Just maybe hope she hasn't done anything stupid. But Mum objects because she's better, smarter and more popular or wadeva then nearly all those guys.
Ha. Let me summarise this up. I'm leaving a apology to yan lin right here right now, because it was cruel to give her back her gift. I still kept the card though, just to remember someone actually liked Luke Ho, the boy with nothing personally attractive. In fact, she might have been supid to fall for me in the first place, but hey, I had no complaints. Except that maybe she should aim higher.
Well, whaddya know? I just realized that yan lin did say she's never coming back to this blog.....well.
Hoo whee. I might write about more personal stuff later in the week, like my debate against myself in whether-or-not-I -should-have-given-up-but-she-gave-up-but-i-was-so-mean so yea. I have no idea what to do right now.
It'll come to some point where I'll have to make a decision......
She's not going to be able to find that doctor.....is she. Guess it's the end.