.Thursday, January 05, 2006 ' 7:36 PM Y
=x
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Super upset. Maybe it's because i can realize.....
Just a short note.
I've decided to use painul methods to forget anyone i 'love.' This can't be real love, but i it isn't then real love eels so much better.....and what i elt before was so unbelievable already.
for a first, i am fine. i mean.......it'll be painful very much later, but if i truly love someone then i would only want the best for that person and for that person to be loved much more. And there isn't going to be any part of me there. there shouldn't be......but thaere's always some part of me that's content that they're happy. i guess i shld be happy for them also. all i have to do is wait for it to be complete.
But for now i wonder, what about me?
Am i so impatient.....Soon my mind should be wiped clear. Although iam taking a huge risk. If this doesn't work, i will be more crushed then b4.
probably more suicidal.
probably lose a lot of faith.
but i've prayed, read the bible...um...consulted several individuals......
i think i'm going to have new probs soon though.
but tis is part....of my life.
and i am waiting.