.Tuesday, February 14, 2006 ' 8:29 PM Y
=x
This is miserable. THis is hard. This is painful....this is the deexistence of love. Love is gone....Mood: One of those days when you feel like blaming God for everything cuz you screwed up. That's one of satan's tricks. another one is when you believe you screwed up to begin with. Tough luck devil.
We lost to SAS by 29 points. NEar the death rule of gettting no points at all...is R.I...Stronger...arrgh!!
Anyway/ I scored 8 outta the 24..so wasted...we had 13 points first quarter...leg let me down..had to be carried of the court....crap.
Still top scorer. Is that supposed to be good? No! All low scoring games so far. And I can't run.
Peh. Miserable. But nevertheless....I know what I'm doing.
Do I? Today I got caught up in the heat of Valentine's Day and remembering a lot of things makes me miserable. I got so...confused that when shimin and I spent time together I just thought I fell for her. In the end, I nearly asked her out. I probably wasn't thinking right. I do know the purpose of steading or bgr is still marriage....but might as well cherish the time I love her right? Maybe? Just maybe?
Stupid Luke. Fall for alll the girls who end up ignoring or hating me. No such thing as ppl loving me. NO SUCH THING. For someone like me, nobody tells me they love me. Nobody who says they do mean it. MAybe I'm wrong bt shimin. Maybe I was wrong about a lot of things. Maybe...
I know this is wrong. Or foolish. But. I think this either will end in a painful breakup or a very good frenship or a even closer bond. Don't know. Don't care about what anyone says or does. I have to trust myself for once.
I was wrong....about Ms Ang. She doesn't take me seriously. Besides, she's like, older? By a lot?
Wrong about Junice. She...wouldn't respond to my love anyway...besides...she's too popular..and I can't give her anything....
Wrong about Ximin. She....nah. She hates me. I think. Either that or she doesn't care at all anyway.
Wrong about Yanlin. She..well. My fault totally. Sigh. Maybe not totally...but I still dunno why she started ignoring me....haix. Hate to end like that.....
So close to love...yet so far. To love...and let the love remain unrequited. That is pain. So much suffering. So much waste.
Maybe not...cuz I haven't eactly expressed that love.
Maybe not...cuz I chose the pain.
Let's do this. Let's finish the pain, end it once and for all. Let Luke Ho be Luke Ho.
Let Alter be Alter.
Let Abomination be Abomination.
Darkness to Darkness, Shadow to Shadow.
Someday...I ask him...and hope he'll tell me what to do...to end this all.
My choices...make me.
....I can't go on like this.....