.Sunday, July 09, 2006 ' 11:26 PM Y
=x
Mood: Swing.
Phew. Jeez.
Managed to clear my homework ( naturally )
I just realized something.
I'm not focused becuase i actually have other things to be concerned about! Is that good news or bad news? slash-!
MAybe that's why I'm so blurr on court.
Maybe that's why I couldn't wait to get away from jiao lian on saturday...cuz I was totally not getting anything.
Maybe that's why my studies stink so far.
Or why I'm not coming on tuesday.
I actually have concern for something apart from my bball...and whether that's gd or bad at this point of time, I don't know.
And I guess I know what I have to do.
He told me. He told me through someone so unaware of everything I was going through.
And he
knew. He knew it would hurt. He had warned me.
I didn't listen.
Maybe it wasn't a warning. Maybe it was just to humble me, to teach me that the glory and the power was not mine.
How irritating.
Well, I've gone over this a couple of times.
She does love him.
The most ironic part of all of this, is that all that I've tried to do was useless.
I've wasted my life away for nothing.
For loneliness.
For bitterness.
For suffering.
For those endless nights of crying and hurt, cursing and sobbing for my misfortune.
Love is nothing on this place. It doesn't help you when it's unrequited.
It turns into desire. Intensity, which can reflect in to anger, passion, sadness..
And something bad happens after that.
Ha.
She loves him.
It'll always echo in my mind.
The guy has absolutely no idea how lucky, how amazingly he's been blessed.
I hope he's a good guy.
Well.
I'm going to be 15 in like...6 months. Lolz. Time really flies.
Soon, 8 years in my life will be nothing...
And she'll know that I still love her.
Haix. So much for promising I'd leave her alone.
What a loser I've become.
Mum really nailed me to a corner and practically demanded that I share my problems with the family.
Sure I do. Just that there's rarely a good timing for anyone.
Does she really want to know all my problems?
Obviously. She's my mum.
But is she really going to comfort me?
Chances are always worse. Can she even THINK why I don't wanna tell her?
I can just imagine her muttering in disbelief on how I can be so obsessed with whatever and how 'sometimes you got to be thick-skinned' or ' make yourself less sensitive'
Great advice. I'm listened to it all my life.
Haha.
So many dilemnas..
I'm not even going to mention them all...yanlin...ximin...
captaincy... schoolwork...
HIJACK.
And etc. Ain't life grand.
Tell me.
When you're me, why are you such a loser?
Sure you're blessed. So they say, anyway.
But you're a loser.