.Sunday, October 15, 2006 ' 6:39 PM Y
=x
Mood: Silence.
I'm feeling so cold.Maybe it's cuz you make yourself cold...do you really think nobody cares?
The darkness is all around me...Fair enough. But it doesn't have to be this way.I needed her. But it was not meant to be.She may not be the one. Can't you just work on yourself?And then I met her just after I gave up on the first one.It's not your fault. So what? At least you're aware.When I look at her, I feel pain. I know what I missed.Yes. But do you know what you're missing now?Nobody loves me.That's not true. Otherwise what happened today wouldnt have happened.Nobody cares.That's a lie.I needed her. For so long, I needed her. My heart broke. My life was lost. My soul was torn...You didn't waste those years. You learned what's important. You just need to listen, to internalize it...Only one audience.Only one audience.God.
Had youth games. Played bball.
Yeah man! My jump shot's getting better and I'm getting my old form back( i think!!) and pretty fun, until a bunch of stuff happened.
Kept getting flasbacks of youth camp last year...until i remembered...
I want to be forgiven. God, I want to be forgiven.
But by her.
Talked to vera later after that. For some reason, I wanted to talk t0 her and not to Keith or Avi. Guess it would be because of what I learnt.
God is the only audience. In this world, it means nothing. Nothing comparable.
Even if you share today, feel better for awhile, you'll probably feel like crap again when something happens. so true.
Like you for you. not for what you can do. a little harder.
It's temporary. Even ...
Well. I know what she told me.
Mostly I agreed, and it helped, really. It got into my soul and stayed there, though the message didn't get through entirely. I felt better...although moments later, I felt confused.
Love can't be temporary. It just can't.
So I left Vera with the impression.
Truth be told...I couldn't accept that. Into my heart, into my system. Humans are pathetic enough already.
...shoot. later.