.Friday, October 06, 2006 ' 8:33 PM Y
=x
Mood: ....
okay. i'm better now.
so far...
Feeling so tired lately..like I really need to sleep everyday after school...who the heck knows why?! yeesh. but well. i admit it's been good for me..though i don wanna study after that...cuz already so sleepy mood after waking up...
been struggling with math, lit, chem, and bio lately rather than anything else for some weird reason... my next exams are super screwed larhz...even chem...=( just that something feels so missing.
starting to realize how much i like photos..hahas...especially memories of a day i actually LIKED... hell...not something that happens often. but well. less than not.
ida's been talking me throught these past few days...guess I'm really grateful to her. i mean. heck, her advice isn't exact sage like, but it's not exactly crap either. it's given me a lot to think about. although i wish i had felt this way AFTER EXAMS so that i could have all the time i need to think.
which reminds me. bball training is around the corner. and im not recovered. super-obvious. am still quite bent on quitting or slacking a lot for bball...
after all. you tell me what's worth it. im clearly not recognized as the best anymore...
hell, one on one is my forte...but it seems im just not getting better at bball...
and for some weird reason my running just keeps improving when i don't do NUTS bt it..hahas.. ( though im not sure now) maybe i should try that...if i give up...
which reminds me again of two more things. teacher suggested i go for some student-leadership camp. not as if im going to be the one leading the team. but she talked me into it again. imean, she does that even if she doesn't want to. lolz. im such a pushover.
and subhas tried to ask me bt why i was thinking about quitting. and then he went to gamble, leaving me all alone. completely forgetting. so kind.
hell, i don't give a shit whether he was the captain, took whatever glory i might have had and is really getting to my standard...im first going to thrash him in bball and studies and THEN i can quit. what the hell happened to our friendship? is it so sappy and meaningless now?
maybe i dont mean enough anymore...or hes' been hanging out too much with THEM...i knew he'd get pushovered again. he doesn't even call anymore. hahas.
forget it. im not worth it, no one is.
lately i realize im not worth anyone's time.
cept' just grateful for 2 more things.
1. Fanny thanked me for helping her and ol' whatsisname in their little lovey dovey relationship. obviously it doesn't hel pthat i wrote all those fluffs. lolz. but it's nice to be appreciated. really. very nice... =( i miss something like that.
2. lost 20 cents to syukri today. didn't want to pay him..hahas...wanted him to collect from subhas..knowing jolly well he won until centuries later... then when i was asking him bt yanlin, he tried to get really personal for some reason. weird but touching. eventually i wanted to give him the 20 cents, but he said 'Keep it. I share your pain." then he put it it my pocket and walked off without letting me object. mehz.
lolz. how sweet. for a guy. hell, im not gay. but it's sweet. something wee would have done now, or tom and waik would have done b4.
it's amazing i can be touched by little things. and be so affected by little things.
but it's these little things that make up my life... determine who i am eventually.
to be
ShadowFighterX?or an
Abomination?still thinking. later.