.Friday, March 30, 2007 ' 8:02 PM Y
=x
Mood: ...
Well wee got baptised./
congrats to him i guess.
mine's next sunday.
mm.
think this blog is starting to outlive it's usefulness...
should reinstall the password...
after all, nobody is here.
i had a weird dream last night. well. not weird. more like. nightmare.
mm.
it's starts with meeting her on the streets, and we hit it off.
and then a few years later, we get married.
and then her stupid boss sends her on a errand to do something she doesn't want to do. her cab gets into a accident.
she's dead.
i kill the son of a bitch, murder his wife and rape his teenage daughter all in front of her younger brother.
and if that's not enough, i take out one of the cops who try to arrest me and take his gun.
and i go on a killing spree.
then my best friends try to stop me. obviously, they must have said something stupid to someone who's become seriously psychotic after my wife was dead.
oh, and did i mention she was pregnant when she died?
so i kill them all. and their girlfriends. or their wives. i kill them all.
and then i kill myself.
im a sadist.
life sucks.
im glad im not describing it in detail.
i wonder how it's possible you can really cry while you dream you're crying.
or if you throw into the sea the ashes of the one you've loved since you were 5.
or how u can smile while you kill the ones you love.
I'm going mad.
i've known it all along, and i got myself out of that state of mind time and time again, but..
...yeah it's over.
My mind..my abomination is taking over.
i think it's better that way.
that way my needs for intimacy and love can be fulfilled by other things.
better than not being fulfilled at all.
yi feng hurt me when he said that i wasn't even attached to junice.
like i have no reason to be sad.
..love isn't like that. it's just not. love hurts, and i know it. he was just lucky his love was reciprocated.
and they patched up, and...
well see?
better to be loved once than never at all.
...better to be loved twice than once.
I've gotten over her.
But I have no love.
I'm so empty, so dark, so cold...
All of my love was already poured into people who forgot about me, never loved me or pretended to love me.
and i feel alone.
God help me, please...
I don't want to feel like this next sunday.
im hurting inside.
are you?