.Saturday, April 07, 2007 ' 9:18 AM Y
=x
mood: ...
if there is one word to describe me now..
yesterday was just so fucked up. or today very very early morning. who knows..?
i mean, I obviously thought about my accomplishments, and was pretty happy.
Smart and incredibly great bball player. lolz.
but i guess i never realized how fast i was losing friends.
wee, then all the backstabbers around me...
After friday's match, the team will be no more, huh?
If someone, anyone thought I didn't treat him fairly, it would be because i was being a coach rather than a captain.
and maybe im not a great leader, but im working on it. no one's perfect.
of course, this is not for benjamin.
this is more for jerome or justin, or anyone else. or nick even. i dunno.
..and even wee.
I just wanted you all to know I'm sorry.
Anyway, not as if..
mm. just could not get any sleep yesterday till almost 2 am..
except something weird happened that...don't know what exactly happened...
did something stupid. traiditionally, I do somethingg stupid when I'm more torn up than usual. and when I wake up the next morning, I realize the night before I was hyponotized by some unknown entity.
So I put away all the lies and hurt and everything that I had been using to cover up my pathetic life, and sent a really stupid sms to the girl who it matters most to.
And then, to top it all off, I called her.
Genius, Luke.
but the truth is, it wasn't even weird.
It wasn't painful, it wasn't anything it was meant to be for me.
And when I heard her voice, like the very first time I ever did, everything just fell in place.
Maybe she and I were never really on great terms in the past.
But I know she cares now.
So maybe it's awkward that I love her.
But I do.
My handphone drops to the side of my bed.
And I'm sleeping like a baby.