.Wednesday, May 23, 2007 ' 7:02 PM Y
=x
...I can't.
can't keep telling myself that I can do this..
i can't anymore.
this is not the way to do things.
am i still alive?abandoning it all is not such a bad idea.
i'm changing.i can't control it.i have lost everything.Today started off pretty well.
I mean, having a little form really helps the shooting..not to mention confidence.
Still didn't exactly talk to anyone today though.
But basketball was pretty good..
i didn';t lose..like. at all. lolz. beat hopper and hong kai today! :)
and subhas, but that's really not counted cuz not really playing serious.
in fact, i actually learnt some stuff from him today!
regarding post moves...hmm..
thinks*
ah well.
okay so after a bit of coaxing i got boss and brother to follow me..
hopefully they can follow me on friday..if i haven't decided to jump off the building by then, at any rate.
painful ironies today.
i don't know what happened..
so boss went tiong bahru, but brother followed me all the way to orchard.
right now im trying to figure out why the heck i went there.
i mean seriously, what the hell was i thinking?
math was actually interesting today.
okay that's random.
um.
yeah what the hell was i thinking?
she still hasn';t replied my sms.
oh ya and i wanna die!
actually i already wanted to die on the bus when i heard she was attached...
when did it start mattering to me again?
can't i keep my own desires away?
was my love for her never sincere enough?
dumbass.
love isn't meant to be forced.
and i can't keep denying myself from what i really want. what i really need.
time isn't just
nothing.what we said isn't just
nothing.even if it wasn't real to you.now it's just all desire, and pain.
and anger.
dumbass. you think anyone actually cares?
not anymore. still a few left.
i guess that's why you wanted to push them away in the end, huh>?
im changing...because if nobody cares about you...
then nobody will miss you once you're gone.