.Thursday, June 07, 2007 ' 9:30 PM Y
=x
Mood: BLeah.
God, I'm feeling emo.
Pam is staying over.
I haven't had much chance to blog..okay i HAVE, but i haven't taken it cuz newgrounds has had such fun online games lately.
likei have nothing better to do with my time.
which i don't.
I feel so deprived.
so worthless.
like i never get what i truly want in life. it's just so irritating.
i hate it. i knew it all along, but my envy and jealousy brought it all back home again..i hate being me.
i mean i could have been somebody else who's actually HAS a decent relationship, but nooooo.
instead i have to make do with my friends and family. don't get me wrong.
but it's not as if i have a superb relationship with my family.
as for my friends..
well. i don't know.
im soo tired of it all, you know?
and with my last dream yesterday..
i remember ..everything. all the good. all the bad. in my life, i've done so much that even i've not given myself credit for.
it seems like so long ago, when i was so much happier.
the worse and most ironic part, as i told tom, is that nobody is going to remember a HIJACKER..hell, im going to be so open because nobody even knows what that is anyway...
and of course, anything that i've done has been washed away by my past. or forgotten.
don't i deserve happiness after all i've done?
i feel like a total dumbass..thinking that i was finally on my road to being happy. i'll never be happy.
i just can't. ...i can't do this anymore. im so tired of fighting for my happiness.
i don't wanna fight anymore.
it was a losing battle anyway.
i'm not going to meet anyone, not going to find anyone who loves me..hell, im not even going to socialize.
after all, my schoolmates just LOVE me.
well except afina. i know she really cares. and those who still have the decency to talk to me, who care about me. im grateful to those people.
..but i guess that's it.
hell, i took on basketball to impress her.
i sure don't need it anymore.
i don't want this life.
i don't need this life.
if everything the bible says we deserve is hell.
then why can people still be happy?
and not christian, that's for sure. huh.
humbug, seriously.
it's enough to destroy my testimony. bleah.
i can't last that long.
either i'd kill myself first.
or maybe someone will get tired of my whining and kill me.
...if everything comes true.
my powers.
then..
it's better off being dead.
i ended up with no love, barely a life.
..and everyone else is moving on.