.Thursday, June 28, 2007 ' 10:44 PM Y
=x
Mood: Ugh.
blogging and doing various stuff.
gavin is so going to kill me tomorrow..i didn't have time to type out a new essay..
maybe she'll give us till monday. i hope.
so tired lately but yeah, sleeping sligghtly earlier tonight.
tomorrow got physics test. where the heck did that come from? im sick of tests. ugh.
and lately, i've been changing..hell, again, or staying like some sissy guy..can't stand it. it's so unlike me. but tom told me stuff that's he's never admitted before, so i..well. i wanna be me again. it's worth it, despite well. all the pain and angst i went through before as me..
after all, there's no more junice now, and I'm me. just me, left.
..although, someone i feel it was the situation with junice that made me who i am.
it was, incidentally.
so that's really fucking ironic. great.
tomorrow training a little, maybe bowling.
tests and stuff. im praying i do well for some miracle. i've got to study hard tomorrow. well. today. whatever.
jamie is fat.
jamie is fat! ahahahahaha.
nightmares haven't stopped yesterday. the most recent one is tom fighting someone with cyrokinesis. im getting a vague idea of my writings in my novel..im actually PREDICTING what's going to happen in HIJACK. or im jsut imagining things. im so glad u guys don't know what im talking about.
or they're just dreams.
talked conference with jamie, tom, waik for a while..that was fun in some way..helped me relax..a little too much, since im writing this and not gavin';s thingything thing.
i don't wanna be like this!
this ends now.
seriousness and coolness and reserved-ness starts now.
so that i can be me, and this time, since people actually like me for being me, i'll be happy again. well. happier.
i changed in the first place, after all, because i felt being me wasn't good enough for her. and for everyone. another seriously screwed up irony.
well jun's attached, clarissa hates me, yanlin..well. and etc.
amazing how many girls i suddenly got associated with after i 'gave up' on junice.
funny how life works. twisted painfully but sometimes fitting nicely.
i just want to be me. i just want to be happy. i want my friends to be happy, not to go to hell. i want my family to be happy, not to stay sad even though they're saved.
this is who i am. i don't wanna change, ever again.
even if it costs me.
ShadowFighterX
X marks the spot.
Forever.