.Friday, July 06, 2007 ' 10:09 PM Y
=x
..im angry, so i won't even bother putting the mood.
and fat, it's not your fault.
damn im pissed.
and im a pretty good quitter too, but that's really not the point.
seriously.
after all this time, being me or not being me?
No wonder why I lost my memory. I practically deleted all those memories myself, i might as well have. i didn't want to remember them.
so much for things not possibly able to get worse.
i cannot keep getting emotionally attached to people I am practically forbidden to get attached to.
as for that dumbass desire to be myself, nobody likes, loves or cares about who I was. well, except for tom and waik and maybe a bunch of other people, but I don't remember the last time i actually acknowledged that.
fine, crap./
nobody likes, loves or cares about who I am NOW, but it still leads to how seriously fucked up life is. so rebuke me.
as soon as I find away to kill myself unintentionally, I'll announce it.
thanks.
damn it, why on earth couldn't you have held on?-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------okay so this post is edited. i had an idea to clam myself down, because I'm obviously not being myself right now. hence, the quizzes. courtesy of jamie's blog. i hope she doesn't mind.[x] I Talk a lot when I get reallynervous.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[ ] I’m afraid of the dark.
[ ] I can’t sleep in a room if the dooris open
[ ] I can’t sleep in a room if the dooris closed
[ ] I am homosexual.[x] I believe in true love.
[x] I’ve ran away from home
[ ] I listen to political music,greenday and soad, U2
[x] I collect comic books
HOW MANY SO FAR? 5
[x] I shut others out when I’m sad.
[x] I’ve stayed out all night.
[x] I open up to others easily.
[x] I am keeping a secret from theworld.
[ ] I watch the news
[x] I love Disney movies.
[ ] I am a sucker for green eyes.
[ ] I am a sucker for brown eyes.
[ ] I am a sucker for blue eyes
[ ] I dont kill bugs
HOW MANY SO FAR? 10
[x] I’ve slipped and fell in public
[ ] I love Spam
[ ] I bake well.
[ ] I have worn pajamas to class.
[x] I want a better job
[x] Talked on a phone for 6+ hours
[ ] Been on msn drunk
[ ] I love Dr. Phil.
[ ] I like multiple people,
HOW MANY SO FAR? 13
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I am self-conscious.
[x] I love to laugh.
[x] I have tried alcohol
[ ] I drink alcohol on a regular basis.
[ ] I have tried a cigarette
[ ] I have smoked a pack in one day.
[ ] I have tried a joint.
[ ] I have had a threesome, or groupsex.
[ ] I fantasize about having athreesome.
HOW MANY SO FAR? 16
[ ] I loved Lord of the Flies.
[ ] I have cough drops when I’m notsick.
[ ] I can’t swallow pills.
[x] I have a lot of scars.
[x] I can’t sleep if there is a spiderin the room
[x] I like chocolate.
[x] I bite my nails
[x] I am not comfortable with being me.
[x] I play computer games when I’mbored.
[x] Gotten lost in the city.
HOW MANY SO FAR? 22
[ ] Been caught doing somethingillegal.
[x] Thought of suicide before.
[x] Seen a shooting star.
[ ] Gone out in public in my pajamas
[x] Hugged a stranger.
[x] Been in a fist fight.
[x] Laughed and had some type ofbeverage come out of my nose
[ ] Pushed all the buttons on anelevator.
[ ] Made out in an elevator.
[x] Kicked a guy where it hurts onpurpose
HOW MANY SO FAR? 28
[ ] Been skydiving.
[x] Been bungee jumping.
[x] Gotten stitches.
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in onehour..
[x] Bitten someone
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls
[x] Gotten the chicken pox.
[ ] Crashed into a car.
[ ] Crashed into a pedestrian.
[ ] Been to germany
HOW MANY SO FAR? 32
[x] Ridden in a taxi
[ ] Shoplifted.
[ ] Been fired.
[x] Had feelings for someone who didn’thave them back.
[ ] Stole something from your job.
[ ] Gone on a blind date
[x] Had a crush on a teacher/coach.
[ ] Injected someone or yourself.
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras
[ ] Been to Europe.
HOW MANY SO FAR? 35
[ ] Slept with a co-worker, and/oremployee.
[ ] Been married
[ ]Have a list of people youwant to kill.
[x] Ridden in a car over 400 miles inone day
[ ] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] Thrown up in a bar.
[x] Eaten sushi.
[x] Cried in public
HOW MANY SO FAR? 38
[x] Walked purposely into traffic withyour eyes closed.
[x] Liked someone even though you knewyou shouldn’t have.
[x] Thought of someone a lot lately.
[x] Hate the world.
[ ] Cheated on someone.
[ ] Love dressing in drag.
[ ] Have been caught having sex.
[ ] Popped pills
[x] Given a compliment to someone butyou were infact lying.
[ ]Eaten dog/cat food.
43. Huh. Somehow, I think if I do a couple of these really weird quizzes, I’ll feel better.
Yeah.
Next..? I doubt anyone will read this since i just lashed out at the world like ialways do, but just in case. well. i wish i could listen to my friends. they all really care for me.
im such a dumbass. and now jian dan ai is playing on my music player again, and stupid embarassing memories of clarissa..
im never going to listen to that again.
next.
OKAY SINCE LUKE HOMO WANTS A BLOW BY BLOW ACCOUNT ON HOW HE BEAT CHOWLERRRRR.
I SHALL GIVE IT TO HIM.
COZ HES BEEN CALLING ME FAT. AND HOMO. AND MEAN.
WHICH IM SO NOT.
OKAY THIS IS GNA TAKE QUITE SOME TIME.
.
Well. So. End of term. Luke decided to show up with monkey and brother at around… 1.50+? And after school went down to see how he was faring. Turns out he was just warming up against Xavier. The others was kinda surprised to hear he was sec3. And they said Luke wasn’t all that bad at bball. (I know, such a boost to Luke’s ego :X )
After that he went to find Chowler. Challenged him. Then there was this huge crowd gathered at the side watching the match. LOL Luke’s name is “Challenger”. AHAHHAHAAH. Er. Anyway. Yeah.
I think Luke played quite well la, seriously. In the game and all that. No distractions. But then again he said he played better when hes showing off. Was I supposed to mention that? Oh well. Heh. Could see he was getting tired toward the end. But maybe it was pride or smthin, didn’t want to let Chowler see that he was running out of stamina. So kept going. Yay Luke! ;D
Well could see Chowler fumbling the ball occasionally and looking abit nervous… Maybe he was off form? Hmm.
Sunk in some well placed shots, pulled ahead by so many points! I think Luke scored at least 7 hoops before Chowler managed to get in 1. So despite Luke’s weak ankle, he managed to give his best (and maybe more?) in the game. And FINALLY, (after weeks of “LUKE’S HERE. AGAIN”) HE BEAT CHOWLER! :D
Well then Luke said Chowler was probably off form, so hes gna turn up at NH again (but not that frequently) to challenge him again. I swear Luke’s gna conquer every school in the nation. -.-
Never seen Luke play so hard before. Ahaha. Yay for Luke HOMO!
Aaaaand. After the match all go RW and playyy. With Waik’s shoes on his hands =.= And Timo being an absolute retard. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen Timo so retarded before. LOL. Theres more sides to him than you can imagine.
Okay Luke, you’ve got to stop calling me fat. Okay actually I don’t mind since you’re SEXUALLY CHALLENGED. (hes not, really, but since he called me fat I had to call him homo. LOL.)..actually i was looking for a quiz, but this i'll keep to myself. it means something to me.
this cold exterior feels familiar somehow.
well fine. i shall choose not to cheer up.
i've tried being everything except being ..well.
so i shall be one.
after all. im luke ho. i can let go of everyone that easily, so they shld do the same. im not worth it, and no one else is.
i hate myself, and the world.
yay.
maybe being a bad guy for a few weeks will kill me off entirely.
yeah.
i just can't wait.