.Friday, July 06, 2007 ' 8:01 PM Y
=x
Mood: ....well.
Haven't been blogging lately..seems like I've been writing in my journal for more personal thoughts now. I would know, I already post more than enough on my blog.
I guess if wee's not joining the team again, I won't either. I don't know, but somehow, I still feel like we're still in this together. We always were, whether he likes it or not. yeah.
he owes us that much, at least. Or I owe us. I don't know.
If wee never joins backs, I guess i won't either, im tired of being wishy washy. I miss talking to Mrs Ang a lot more than I'll admit to her personally, and i miss the team, miss competing with subhas and hongkai on a regular basis, but in the first place.
I don't actually love basketball as much as them. I joined it for the sole purpose of impressing Junice, and the purpose remains. It's irrelevant who cares about how good I am, except me, of cuz. i hate to tell subhas that, but i have no doubt he will have figured it out by now, I want my dreams. And he should know, if he still wants his dreams, it's never too late.
Im sorry if he's angry at me.
I went to nan hua a while today after school, which wasn;'t as draggy as i thought it would be. Met up with timo because I was worried about stuff. saw tom, jamie and lucas as well. forgot abt brother, and still feel really bad about that. good thing brother's understanding.
there's been certain issues I've been dealing with personally, mainly HIJACK, but some emotions I'd rather remain unsaid. I hate myself for it, because considering someone you don't even know can only show me how fickle, how desperate for love Ive become. I know truly, that is not who I am.
I love because i choose to love someone I really fell in love with.
I'd give up if she told me to, and eventually, I did. Everything I have done so far, I did for her.
And now I'm really falling apart.
I am not that person.
But what's a guy to do when he's fighting his future self internally?
I'm fighting, still fighting for who I am.
Can I lose to me? haha.
I don't want to disappoint the people who actually love and care about me.
I'm not backing down anymore.
Hey.
I was Luke Ho.
I was the primary school kid that blushes whenever I see Junice Lim, secretly hides behind walls in order to get a good look at how incredibly beautiful she is, dream about how crazy I was about her.
The same guy who tries to impress her with whatever he has, and somehow earned the support of hundreds of guy friends and gal friends while doing it. how does that happen?
The same guy who actually has everything he has because he knows how to love.
I don't.
I guess while I no longer regret it, I'm over it. I'm over all of it.
But I just want the rest of me back.
Who am I anyway?
Someone tell me?
PS: my ankle is recovering.
;)
okay that was weird in the middle of angst speech.
huh.
tomorrow's church.
yay. let's groan together.
i don't know why.