.Sunday, August 26, 2007 ' 12:32 PM Y
=x
Mood: bittersweet.
mm.
well finding it harder to find stuff to complain about.
firstly, my bball is going unusually well..been really accurate these days and my stamina and strength have been increasing significantly so i can't really complain.
getting along with my juniors except for ben goh...i'm afraid he's like them already.
he's started to look down on people, pretend he's not arrogant..i regret i was not there for him, but he had to look after himself eventually, so i guess i would have lost him anyway.
sucks.
then been talking to almost all my friends more, (except tom and waik, since i should usually be talking to them more than i do now), primary sch and new town alike, as well as church. makes me feel more reasons to live. can't forget that. im even getting along with my family.
homework was significantly reduced, started writing again and im feeling...well...much better.
still, some stuff always happens.
well, there was ben goh.
then there was this cc invitation nick invited me to..the chance to join a sponsored team? i admit i was tempted, but church is on sat. i already miss spending time with tom and waik on sat because i go to church, so im definetely not going to miss time with them because of something as minor aas basketball.
that's not sarcasm.
yesterday had to be one of those days..
saw ximin after how long..at first i was glad to see her..hoped pearl or jean could talk her into coming back..but then she was hanging around wit hjeremy.
i'll never forget the day i fought with jeremy..after that, i started having less confidence in my bballing and my associating with people..and heartbreaks didnt help either.
so i was pretty mad after a while./
i cheered up a bit when she showed up, since i really like her and she's really beautiful and sweet and whatnot. haha. i really cherish spending time with her because i hardly get to see her anyway. it's not like im special to her, but she's already special to me. im not letting go of that feeling yet..
anyway i made a final decision to give up on her yesterday, after walking her to the library and then to the bus interchange...
i think she really loves her boyfriend..and it's not for me to interfere..not for me to hurt the ones i love, ever.
i don't really think i had a right to cry, so i didn't. its supposed to be a small thing,after all. but it did hurt/ i've been telling myself to get over her for so long, but i never really told myself to give up on having anything special, on just dreaming and hoping that maybe someday we'd be more than just friends.
pearl was a bit silent yesterday. hope it wasnt because me and jean pangsehed her on friday. =(
still feel bad about that./
im really not a good person, am I?
i haven't made so many right decisions..haiz..
couldn't get much sleep yesterday thinking about her. i woke up at 4 one time and had some crazy idea of calling her since she's supposed to be working around then but they'll probably be no customers..but i was afraid she'd be asleep anyway. im such an idiot. it's sos beside the point. just because she knows i like her doesn't mean she has to treat mee differently. im just her friend, after all, and i don't wanna lose that, even if it hurts to know she'll be nothing more.
is life always going to be so...
well..
ms peh asked me why i had to bgr now, and i probably DON'T, but i persist for some reason that im not entirely clear about. maybe i shall think about it.
i think the best relationship at my age..is loving someone and that special someone loving you back, but you don't get attached because it's special, it's true love waiting until both of you are mature enough to embrace that relationship with responsibilities and commitment. it's hard, but i guess...well.
..i've had a few times since after junice, to be honest, and totally blew it each time or simply drifted apart. it's stupid, and it's Luke Ho. yep.
i think it doesn't last because of differences...or the simple fact that human love, is in fact temporal when it is first begun. love needs to be worked at, no matter how many fairytale stories you've read, in the end the most important thing is loving each other the most for who you are, for your pros and cons, and want to spend the rest of your lives with each other?
that's kinda mushy.
haiz./ a bit lost.
ShadowFighterX
(going study group in a couple of hours)
is it so wrong to hope that'll you'll throw him away?or is it just evil...?