.Sunday, August 19, 2007 ' 6:39 PM Y
=x
Mood: Horrible.
I watched Secret starring Jay Chou today, and it was really good. waik and tom made me laugh a lot also, but i still feel terrible, so i shall talk about it some other time..
Well just finished talking with subhas...
he said a lot of really mean things so i decided to get personal..
like i said before, it was about the same thing..
it's not that i would mind him beating me at basketball, really. but rubbing it in because i let him goes too far. i might decide to beat him, but i probably won't because being the good guy, which i hate more and more each day due to the injustice i see and experience, doesn't make me a violent person.
i think i only play well when im motivated anyway...and now that junice and most of the other things that i used to exist for is gone, i can never play well again..
unless i start playing for God..but that doesn;'t make sense...since he hasn';t presented an opportunity and otherwise has made it impossible for my team..could be a sign, that im not meant to play anymore..
therefore..
my basketball career ends, today. officially.
i think beating all the all stars, except for jurong, catholic high and some others who either haven;t met them, neglected or don;t remembered...i can still qualify myself as one of the top basketball players of my generation, and since i was bound to beat them anyway...
my goal is over.
so i quit.
i'll be training my body mentally and physically basketball wise on wednesdays, fridays and sometimes sundays until i find another calling.
one might ask me why i would quit playing bball seriously, and for my true friends and fans, i feel i owe you an explaination..
numver one being i don't actually love the game, i only loved junice, and now she's gone.
number two being i don't owe anyone anything, and people keep thinking im showing off when all im trying to do is help.
number three being im often so misunderstood as being a bad guy as im a delinquent basketball player, so famously reputed in new town.
number four that being a basketball player is too tiring, too troublesome more emotionally than physically. i have lost people along the way, some i never wanted to lose.
number five being that some people do not know how to play fair, and protesting against it can only result in fights, and no offense to subhas if i have already patched up with him, but if either of us were in that state i really don't think you or i would have listened if the other called foul, as you KNOW is true, although im sure u hate to admit it as much as i do. this is not meant to be arrogant, it is an unfortunate fact.
number six being that being around slightly more rowdy basketball players has caused a violent personality change in me which i am still trying to overcome. i do not want to harm my friends...and family, anymore.
and finally, number seven. i hate that some people will only like me for being 'on the team' or being the 'very good basketball player'. i want to love as myself, and loved for BEING myself.
touche.
thanks for everyone's support since i was pr 4.
goodtimes...
ShadowFighterX
this day sucks.