.Thursday, September 13, 2007 ' 7:57 PM Y
=x
...why?I mean...
It just..hurts.
so much.
has anyone ELSE noticed how pathetic my responses have become?
Like i can't seem to say the right thing anymore.
like i''ve lost my empathy or sensitivity or something.
it's really painful.
I think God has humbled me quite a lot over the years, and now is just one of those time periods I have to remember I am living my life for him.
it's not that im complaining. which i am, of cuz.
I mean, I've lost any talent in basketball, any opportunity in basketball I might have had.
I have officially lost all forms of Secondary School Popularity, which is very ironic.
I no longer have any abilities to do or say anything right.
I am officially irritating, and pathetic with girls.
I am a whiner.
I am afraid of rejection, in all forms, including basketball.
I fear everyday that because of all the reasons above, I may lose my true friends, which is really silly because that's why they're true friends, but I'm so paranoid and afraid.
I can't imagine my life without any of them.
I just can't do this anymore God.
You keep making me feel so worthless.
Like I can never do anything.
I can't do anything right anymore. I feel so hopeless. So lost. My basketball, my running, my studies, my social life, my school, everything just sucks.
Just give me a miracle. All I ask for is a miracle. That you revive my life like it was, or whatever you have planned.
I don't know whether you want me to suffer for something, but I promise I'll stop doing what im doing if you just bless me again. They say that sin blocks of God's blessings, and I believe it now more than ever.
I think my mother hates me.
I think the world is against me and after everything I've done for people, if for some really WEIRD reason not include what people have done for me, then the world owes me a living.
I wish.
I'm so tired of fighting. I am so FUCKING TIRED OF BEING ALL ALONE.
you better respond God.
I am done here. ..I don't want to do this if I can't hold on to the faith that you love me/.
I can't.
ShadowFighterX
(i think...i know why my basketball is so bad, why i can't talk to people, why everything became like this in the first place, but I don't want anyone to get hurt. they don't understand.)
(no one understands..)