.Sunday, September 23, 2007 ' 3:04 PM Y
=x
Mood: mm...
yesterday I was really shaken up.
over things.
I mean it only FULLY sunk in yesterday-the reality of the entire situation that I was in.
well it was kind of funny at first. its' not now.
So what happened yesterday is pretty much something I'm not going to say./
except it involved a lot of highs and lows, and crying like a little kid.
im fine now. really. im so fine im not even in a mood swing.
god i am sooo stupid.
I mean what was I thinking>?
although it's kind of obvious I really wasn't.
haiz..
well I went back to eating and drinking a lot. probably put on some weight yesterday. haha. lots of soft drinks and the amount of fast food I ate yesterday is unbelievable, even for me.
at least I had coupons, so it didn't cost my parents a whole LOT.
and as for the usual stupid thing, it was incredibly, incredibly, stupid. I think I probably freaked her out, or scared her away, or se thinks im a despo, or I should probably just jump of the building now so I don't have to face up to it later.
nevertheless..
I think I'm finally getting over..things. my parents arguements and my new knowledge of so many different things this week that i didn't ever want to know at this stressful point of time with my exams, not just about her but about so many things..my condition, their past...
..and maybe even my feelings..no, love for her is changing now.
it's so hard to accept. so hard to let go.
im really grateful for my friends I guess. but it only shows I don't quite listen to them.
it's hard to listen too. to not hear the things I want to hear.
...huh.
maybe when all this is over, I can actually say it was good while it lasted.
love keeps you mushy and warm inside. it makes you a good person, even if it only lasts a while.
no wonder tom's been full of good advice maybe. haha.
although I kinda think that I already knew all that he was saying. because I use to say those things a lot. it's different though, when someone you love tells it to you, then it makes sense.
especially when you can';t think at that point of time.
so even after it's all faded away, hope that nothing really bad happens.
won't be awkward unless I make it that way.
lolz. so much for swearing off love for a while. when was the last time I did that? oh ya. guoyi. haha. but i didn't love her. just hurt myself only.
dumbass me.
well this time im NOT going to swear off love.
that way, maybe it'll keep it's mitts off me for a while.
and later in the future.
keep your hands off my girl.
ShadowFighterX
(this REALLY doesnt mean i can concentrate on my exams. sigh.)