.Tuesday, September 18, 2007 ' 9:42 PM Y
=x
Mood: Sigh,.
well yours truly is a blooming hero. hooray. let's all cheer.
and a idiot.
die luke. die. infinite omnislash.
wheeee.
im not sure how exactly someone can feel high and extremely..hurt, confused, stupid at the same time.
it's not that i should be hurt or anything, but because im such a posessive, sensitive and idiotic idiot, i think i am.
i don';t think anyone has a vague idea of everything in my life i've been through, except maybe a really really small number, biological family NOT included..
and i think it's about time someone realized..
that i don't let go easily.
today i realized.
by pure dumb luck again.
that no matter how much you think you know someone.
you don't.
that they may be so different from everything you realized they would be. that the knowledge of it can, and would totally destroy their relationship with you.
the people we care about, the people we love...
how'd you feel if you loved someone and realized that you didn't know them at all?
someone already warned me. probably. somewhere in my lifetime.
im just the gullible idiot. can't be helped.
i hate myself, more than any other time in this world, right here, right now, right FUCKING NOW. i could go to hell and i really wouldn;'t give a shit about who the hell dies or not.
of course, the irony of this is that i really wanted to know.
so kill me. just break me and kill me.
im so tired of being who i am. how anyone...
oh fuck that.
nevermind.
yours truly is shattered again.
maybe, these nightmares might kill me.
maybe, someone will destroy my subconscious entirely and i might become brain dead, or psycho, or have some violent personality change.
anything is better than the alternative.
does anyone have any idea how much heartbreak i've gone through?
im tired. so tired,. always tired. no in between.
i never, ever gey anything i want.
maybe it's time to give up on love.
maybe i want to be single for the rest of my life.
maybe i want to be a FREAKING VIRGIN, FOR THE REST OF MY ALREADY PATHETIC LIFE, AND IT REALLY WOULDN;'T MAKE MUCH DIFFENCE ANYWAY.
maybe i should just die.
ShadowFighterX
(ironically, i was thinking things couldn;t get worse than the other day...)
(please don't tell me you care..i don't wanna hurt anyone else..)