.Saturday, October 13, 2007 ' 11:17 PM Y
=x
Mood: argh.
today was supposed to be a good day. hari raya and all.
sometimes when i see my relatives, i feel guilt for not getting to know them..if I were them I would think im a bit of a rich spoilt brat but even in all modesty, I know im not that...
anyway after going grandmas' house went out with tom and waik to taka to buy stuff with my kinokuniya voucher from the essay competition prize and then went to cine to play lan.
couldn't get halo 3..had to live with gears of war..but versus is fun. hehe.
anyway after that (and tom being stuck on my new spiderman vs black cat comic, which i sahll elaborate on. spiderman/blackcat is so much better than spiderman/mary jane. even gwen stacy is better. mary jane just sucks. =) went home after eating haato icecream. mum came back, gave a lecture on the situation and said a lot of rude and mean things about me and this family. i hate it when she's like that...
sometimes, i know that im changing into her..but then i remember how my future self is like. no matter how evil he is, he's not..like that.
people feel better after talking about their troubles..but my mum just dwells on it..and her saying it out is much worse than her keeping it in..but maybe she feels she can't keep it in..
i don't blame her. there are so many people to blame.
like today morning, after i talked to jeanette, i learned an important lesson. not that she taught me it, but she helped me realize it at least...no matter who you want to blame, sometimes everyone is just at fault and you can't blame a certain someone..after that, the most you can do is pick up the pieces and hope it fits right.
i can't blame people for hurting me..
then i can't always blame myself either..it's not healthy..
it's just that everytime i get hurt my personality changes..and the more i change the worse i get..
so much more cynical, paranoid, under a mask of things to hide my fear of getting hurt.
to appear cold and arrogant so i can have just a little confidence in myself.
it's quite pathetic.
i have 5 novels to complete.
and A math papers to practice.
and 3 3 hours trainings blocks for the next few weeks.
got to put my life together.
haiz.
ShadowFighterX
Night Phantom
(if one good thing could happen to me now, I'd change my mind.)