.Thursday, October 25, 2007 ' 2:33 PM Y
=x
Mood: haiz..
yesterday was a REALLY bad day, for more than just one of us.
so tired..
today i tried to relax by bballing..hoping that somehow things would get better..
but then my flu kicked in..couldn't aim straight..couldn't even see straight..
had to take off my glasses a lot cuz it kept fogging. irritating. should really stick to contact lenses, but im just too lazy to wash them, plus my eyes are getting more sensitive. after everything, they're just not very watery anymore.
haiz. hate being sick.
im just glad that other ppl solved their problems..
once again, im ..
well i don't know.
alone.
saw wee lin dancing quite by accident. she gave the clarissa roll eyeball look. huh. if there's one fault i have, it's probably that i keep falling for people who just have immature crushes.
if there's another fault is that i just want to be committed to a relationship. guess people nowdays just aren't all that mature.
obviously, im disappointed..
people shouldn't use the word 'love' when they don't understand it..
weelin's not the only one, i guess.
i don't blame her. life is hard.
maybe love ain't all that cracked up to be.
i've tried not to blame myself. in this experience, i'm trying so hard to place faith in god. to remember job, someone who suffered more than me but didn't curse god or give up on him.
to remember to love my enemies, no matter how much it hurts.
to still believe in humanity and goodness..im not giving up. maybe it's my fault that people classify me as arrogant, but it's better than losing them after they actually start caring about me. you can never please everyone.
i just can't go on...but i can't give up either..people are still counting on me like they used to and it isn't academic results that count the most now, though i still need to put in a lot of effort for them. this is what i do. this is what i have always done. it doesn't make me a braggart, nor does it make me a saint. if people are too immature to understand it it's okay. im not trying to please everyone.
im just trying to make sure people are not going to suffer like i have, and also to make sure that they're going to be okay.
everywhere you look around you, people need love. people need God. I need God. but it doesn't make me any better just because im Christian..im human too. i have weaknesses and flawed morals. maybe im not exactly a popular basketball star or a socialite anymore, but this is a better calling.
someone said that if you are looking for someone to fill the gap in your heart you will never find that person...because ultimately, you love someone for who they are, for the good and the bad.
maybe that's why love hurts.
adios, weelin. if you ever find this, i just hope you'll take care and be happy. really.
i care.
but im over you.
and your little friends.
ShadowFighterX
Night Phantom