.Wednesday, November 07, 2007 ' 10:25 PM Y
=x
Mood: mild depression.
so today.
i was bored in chinese class. still, i learnt a lot, surprisingly. during breaks, i remembered that the dumb test classified me as a flirt yesterday, so I thought i would check.
just wrote down a little list of crushes (didn't write the ones whose names I didn't know since they crushed on me and not vice versa and not the gay admirer and not the ones that didn't last more than a few minutes)
and voila.
i am a flirt.
it sucks.
i mean.
how..?
when..?
the majority of it was like. after junice and all, but it's only been 2 years and..around 3-4months since i was over her? and ...um. number of girls i've been associated with..
well not attached to.
but still.
i mean.
you could win a freakin prize for guessing what the number is.
it's not a lot. as in a lot lot.
but it's not a single digit either.
sigh...
this isn't who I am, is it..?
Im so confused..
and i found out what the major change is..and now..im..well. not scared. but...
it's..
weird.
what to do..?
another thing is that after recording, i notice that im not a total failure. seeing that it's not always i-fall-for-her, get my heart broken and that's it. problem is, it's not that, because if it was it would be a lot less painful.
no wonder i don't get attached.
no wonder i don't open up to people( although this part is other reasons as well).
and it sucks.
..and the last thing is that I always start the crush on someone who
-has absolutely no interest in me
-hates my guts
-is immature
-is evil
..
i mean why do i always fall for the ones who well..pretty much started out..that way.
shrugs*
well the only good thing about today is that i realize im an idiot, and that even being an idiot doesn't mean any girl who I might be interested in in future will hate me, so i can live with that.
gotta to stop playing this sick game with myself.
haiz.
...why her...?fucking post withdrawal syndrome.ShadowFighterX