.Thursday, February 28, 2008 ' 4:02 PM Y
=x
Mood: mm...
well I really got into it this time.
went to school, mum gave my FORM TEACHER a lecture, i got really pissed, couldn't identfy bullies, got pissed off at my mum, got pissed off at my form teacher, got pissed off at the whole school...
but I guess today I realized how much my mum loves me. it's hard to deal with that kind of affection but its her way of voicing out concern and affection. whether it's embarassing or not, i know im loved, so..
well. dunno. that came out a little mushy, but I have to remember.
I yelled at Angeline Ang. The incredibly beautiful on and off object of my affection, and I YELLED at her. I had no idea I would ever be capable of doing something as crazy and STUPID as that.
sigh. let's face it. I just snapped. I was so teed off at Ms Ang, for not taking me seriously. my mum, for embarassing me by going to the school. the staff there, who constantly fail at keeping the gangsters at bay. the victims, for not standing up for themselves. at me, for standing up for these people too scared to stand up for themselves and getting myself into all this trouble in the first place. keep wondering to myself-is this the right thing to do?
So I yelled at her, and I tell you, I broke down and all, but I felt GREAT. I just hated her for not hating me. I really despised myself because she didn't hate me...she didn't even care about my feelings for her or my feelings on stuff that wasn't even her! so yeah.
of course, the guilt became so, so overwhelming after my heart-to-heart talk with mdm Neo. its' nice to talk to a civilised person in a grown up fashion once in a while. Initially, I wanted to yell at her too, but I failed. Learnt something from her, at least.
The truth is that no system is perfect. Mr John Lim, the DM I really dislike (the only one i dislike more than him is mr lau, and mr tan say pin, because the former accused me, the victim, of bullying, and the latter was stupid enough to not prevent fights going on in front of him...and i didn't do anything either...) actually managed to settle it with those guys. Among them was the guy I kicked his soccer ball into the air when it hit me in the face. feel guilty because he thought I was kicking it at him, hence he wanted to fight cuz he thought i was being violent towards him, not cuz i rammed the ball. here i thought he had an attitude problem.
is that why they purposely dropped the bottle on the court to start trouble? I'll never know. I guess that part was probably entirely their fault, since they were unreasonable, threatening, bullying and violent and not even to me but to the people around me. hell, they wouldn't even have tried anything against me if I hadn't spoken up. does that make me a hero or a moron? huh. more like a bit of both.
some of the teachers like ms peh and ms huang were nice enough to care but....i just...
can't stop thinking about ms ang.
haiz.
im so sorry.